Oh for that Look in their Eyes!

What a wonderful thing it was for me this week to watch each of my students as I presented them with their new music. Many of them have been waiting with earnest anticipation for their music to arrive from the company I order from. And what a difference in last week and this week. Last week, I had to announce to each of them that it had not yet come. Oh the disappointment they showed.

Not this week though. The brightness! The excitement! The eagerness to go home and look through their new books! Oh the look in their eyes!

I remember those days, even as a college student, getting ready for exams and recitals. Ordering new music was a highlight of my week!!!!! To get that brand new book without wrinkles. To look through the endless pages of things you have never seen before. To come across music that you had spent hours listening to and eagerly waited for! I remember. And it is with childish giggles that I still experience those feelings---for myself and for my students! What a joy and thrill it is to be a musician.

Blah blah blah!

Tonight, I honestly don't know what I am about to say as I head into this blog. I just felt like writing. So maybe I will start by wishing well any of you who do read this entry and then just start chattering as thoughts hit me.

My sister is coming up in a couple of weeks to run the Chicago Marathon. I am so excited for her. She has been training long and hard for this. What an accomplishment it will be for her. My family is coming this way to watch her! So we will all be downtown watching her cross the finish line.

I will admit that I am really looking forward to seeing my family! I do love them. Just last night I had the most open talk with my mom that I have had in a long time. And she just quietly and calmly advised and encouraged me. She understood every angle that I was coming from, every hurt I was holding on to, and every fear I was experiencing. You just can't beat moms!!!

How supportive and loving my family has been these past few weeks---well that isn't fair---all my life really. But I have actually acknowledged it these last few weeks. They have laughed with me, cried with me, hurt with me, and stood with me. Yet when I needed it they spoke plainly---but always with love!

Talking real life issues with my dad has become special to me. I mean, big-grown up talks about real needs and growth in life. Not just the childish fights that I kept bringing up. How Shepherd-like he has been. I know he cares and prays for me. I see his wisdome and feel his love.

Stacye razzed me quite a bit this week with all my flooding!!!! Calling me Mrs. Noah! BRAT! But hey, if the shoe fits where it! I love it when I can catch her for just a few minutes in the evening online and just chat for a moment. We don't get to talk often, but when we do it means a lot. She is kinda my second mom---my advisor, my listener and discerner when I cannot see through the clouds!

I had a student sing at church the other night. She did SO well! What marked improvement in posture and breathing. She even got compliments that people could tell a difference. Oh the look in her eyes at those words! I love it for them!

Today I picked up my roommate from the airport. It was good to see her back! I must admit I missed her company! I enjoy our talks and even our moments of silence. Bless her! I am sure I talk her ear off!

I did finally get all of my things moved back into my room and studio from the flooding. It is good to be back in my space. I did rearrange some things in my studio since I had the opportunity! :) I like it better. At least I think I do! I have been working on my scrapbooks, so it was nice to display my student memory book!

Oh oh! Guess what I got at the grocery the other day and tried for the first time today! Cactus Pears. They are so good! Kinda Kiwish! But oh so good! I am really having fun experimenting with different foods! And sometimes it just so happens that the things on sale are the weird foods! So why not try them!

Had a new tea the other day! Thai Tea Blend! Black tea! So good---vanilla and coconut and something else. Very nutty and a little chocolatey! Believe it or not, my teas are the only chocolate that I like! I know I am weird. But hey we all have to have our quirks!

Teaching and singing are going well for the most part. My website should be up soon and I hope to start sending out resumes for programs and competitions. I'll keep you posted.

The Aftermath of It All

As I sit here this evening powering down and ready to go to bed, I am hit with many thoughts that inspire me to write. You will have to forgive me that some of it may seem like endless babbling. But I can't help it. I guess I am just feeling a bit sentimental/emotional tonight.

I look back over the week. And what does one say. I guess the main thought I have is, "I made it. I'm here!" You know, recently I have had the recurring thought, "What would I do if I were not a Christian?" Truly! Where would I be today if I did not have that dependene relationship on my Lord and Saviour.

I don't quite know what emotion to put down on paper tonight. It isn't quite sadness. It isn't quite anger. It isn't happiness. Maybe I can say that it is a settleness. Just a, well, a sigh feeling. I know I have many questions and fears. But what is the point of dwelling on them. Does it really matter? God has promised to supply all my needs---to meet them, every one. He has promised to direct my path, to be my light, to take on my burden, to give me rest.

Truly if one could have one week where every bad thing you could imagine hit, that was my week. It came from every angle. Yet, can we really expect life to be all roses. That is my dream, my want. But it is not reality. Life has to be met one day at a time, with a willingness to take whatever is dealt out--yet always with the perspective that God is on the throne. It isn't as if this one or that one kinda slipped through his sight.

I will admit that the burdens and hurts of this week make me feel tired---and old. I am disappointed with various circumstances and people. Yet, there is still a sparkle of hope deep down inside. Not once this week has there been a shadow of doubt that I am doing what He has asked of me---it's just that life has bad things in it and people will be people.

I do not expect this journey to be easy. But I guess I did expect something diffent. I don't know what, honestly. But here I am, at the end of a week that dealt out its personal worst. There will be better days and there will be worse. But one thing remains the same: In the Aftermath of It All, I know God to still be there--alert, at work, and as loving as always.

And she grew up a little more

Well, it's been a few days. And how life has a way of changing in just a few moments. I am truly amazed at this journey called life! It truly is a journey. A good friend once told me that life is like a roller coaster---full of ups and downs. There are times of holding on tight, and times to let go and soar. There are times of thrill and times of fear. I have experienced all of this literally in the past month. Let's just say that life has a way of making you grow up---whether you want to or not.

The excitement of moving to a new job and house. The thrill of teaching and seeing improvement. The joy of seeing the light turn on in each students eyes. Time to rest, time to relax, time with friends.

The nervousness of singing again and facing my doubts of my own vocal ability. The fear of stepping out into the unknown. The pain of new adjustments.

Yes there is both joy and fear in change. The joy comes from starting fresh with what I was created to do and be. To invest in something worthwhile. To delight myself in using the gifts God has given me. Yet, the pain of life still takes its toll when it can.

This weekend I experienced some setbacks---only one of which I will relate. My house and studio got flooded with the nasty weather. Have you even seen your entire life and livelihood flash before your eyes in a single moment. I did! Really brought some things home. I have many decisions to make. I go in and out of being ok and being not ok. I guess you call that emotional! (I hate being female sometimes). I have many decisions to make. But yet, it is weird. Somehow, I know God will provide. He has promised to meet my needs. Not always my wants---although He has given me plenty of those---but always my needs. So I sit and wait for the needs to be met. Sometimes with worry and panic, but still waiting with quiet confidence that God will be my stay---as He has been in the past, and will continue to be so through the present, and on into the future.

Enough of Nature

Oh, I had to tell you about a couple of instances that happened this week that kinda cracked me up! I love being outside. Since moving into my new home, I have found a few times to get out and work in the yard. The other day I was planting flowers, when I heard this clicking sound behind me!!! What in the world!

As I turned around, just a few feet from me was a baby squirrel, literally screaming at me. I looked at him and gave him a simple, "hello." He kept clucking at me. And he kept coming towards me. Now, one isn't normally afraid of such small creatures, but this guy was serious about something. He slowly went around me, deciding I was too big to take on. But then as I bent over to plant my flower, he came towards me again, trying to tell me something. Later, I wondered if I had just planted my flower over his stash of nuts. Poor guy!!! And I just didn't get it.

Later that night as I was sitting outside talking with my best friend on the phone, I casually glanced over into my neighbor's yard. There rounding the patio just a few feet from me was a skunk! Yeah, I was grossed out! Let's just say I slowly and quietly made my way to the house. No smelly messes for me that day!

I guess I could share one more. :)

As I was walking around my neighborhood the other day I passed a gated house. Nice house. Nice Yard. Cute dog in the nice gated yard. A Pug! Cute little pug thought he was big stuff though. As I passed by, he came running and growling at me. Should I have been afraid? For his self-esteem, yes. However. All I could think of was, "you stupid little dog, I could squish you by stepping on you. But keep barking!"

What is up with these little guys with big attitudes! (As If I Am One To Talk! )

No Greater Joy!

There is no greater joy to a music teacher than to be able to sit back and watch her students execute the principles that you have been trying to get across to them. Last night as I watched my girls perform throughout their first recital of the fall semester, I could not help but acknowledge the hard work that each one put into their pieces. The thought and focus that they have placed upon proper and healthy vocal technique. They looked so vulnerable up there, yet they were having such fun. To see the looks in their eyes when they finished---even though they made mistakes---told me there was a sense of accomplishment! What joy and love I felt last night. Love for each student. Love for the music they were singing. Love for my job. Oh the joy of being a musician. I wish I could explain the fulfillment that comes from singing, practicing, teaching, studying. It is beyond words. Perhaps I will save that for another time. But watching my students last night. Feeling the joy inside. Feeling the tears. Feeling, dare I say it, pride! I was so proud of them!!!!!! They have each made such improvement! And to see it before my eyes as one complete entity was so encouraging! Yes! Hard work pays off! For them and for me!