Musings that come and go, and some that never return

Do you ever have those moments where as you sit contemplating, your eyes fill with tears unexpectedly? The "I wishes" just break forth in your mind---both good and bad, desires and memories, hopes and dreams. Is it just around Christmas that our thoughts turn this way? I don't think so. Perhaps I feel them more because in being home, I have had time to just sit and contemplate more than usual.

HHmmmm....just thoughts, contemplations, wonderings, musings. At least they are in a an orderly fashion as they process through. They come, stay a while, then move out, sometimes returning at a later time, sometimes not.

I wonder...........
What would happen if..........
Why is...........
Why isn't............
When will..............
Should I............
Why do I..............
Is this..................
What can.....................
How can................
How do......................
Where......................

Just thoughts.......................

WinterWonderland

Well, welcome to Chicago, IL---home of snowy weather. And boy did we have it. It snows, clears the next day, snows the next day on top of what was already there, gets beautiful the next day (while still being frigid), then snows a little more-----sometimes a lot more! Such is the case of this week. It has already snowed quite a bit. And it just keeps piling! Bless those people who have all pitched in to help us shovel our driveway!

Well, tonight we are supposed to get a heap more. This is the time of year when I feel like curling up with a good book in hand, next to my heater with a bowl of popcorn! Course I would REALLY prefer to be in front of my fireplace in Indiana after my dad has just built the perfect fire. But alas, this too will come soon enough. For tonight, I literally sit waiting to see if we really are going to get those 12 inches of snow. I hope it waits. My students need safe weather to travel in and there are so many last minute details to do before the holidays hit. But I guess I can't stop it from coming. And who really wants to. I must say it is quite beautiful outside. It is a perfect snow----light, white and fluffy! If I were maybe a few years younger and fatter, I might go play in it. But not this week. This week I am content to watch it come down from inside.

Tis that time of year

It is that time of year when all our thoughts turn very sentimental and googly! It must be the holidays.

I was sitting here listening to Christmas music and realized it had been a while since updating my blog. I have just finished a very full day of teaching, but a good one. Good students, good lessons. Several have auditions this time of year and we have spent much time this week working towards the fine touches! Of my studio, several are new. And as the semester has progressed many have become more comfortable with me. Each has their own story. Some of them make me very sad. One today did! I found myself totally overwhelmed that this young girl would open her personal feelings in her lesson. I so wanted to help. All I can do is encourage them and pray for them. Oh that God would touch their little lives! As this girl talked, I actually found my eyes filling with tears. I wanted so badly to cry and felt the lump building in my throat.

I just returned from some time spent with family over Thanksgiving. I truly love Thanksgiving. Our family has its own traditions for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Every Thanksgiving we have a big meal, my mom breaks out her real china, we spend all day preparing, then we feast on Turkey and Ham. Later in the evening this year we played a game that Jake had brought. Even my dad got in on it. It was HYSTERICAL!!!! Then we sat around the fire. I absolutely love a fire around Thanksgiving time and Christmas. There is something so comforting about it. It brings back memories as you stare into it.

Following Thanksgiving day, Sheri and I always provide music. The family can come listen or listen from a far. Stac used to sing with us, and still does occasionally. I miss those times! Dad and I always go out and get the Christmas tree sometime after Thanksgiving Day. It seems like such a petty thing. But I truly enjoy his company and the time spent with him in this little tradition. Only he can pick out the right tree. This year I missed being able to decorate it and set up the Nativity (my favorite part of Christmas). But my memory is there with my family as they do this for me this year.

This year I spent the weekend after Thanksgiving with my sister, Sheri. It has been a long time since we did that. We watched movies, went to the book store, played games, drank tea, ate soup and others of her specialty cookings!

I will admit that I actually felt more involved with my family this break. I got to go to the kids' games, see Esther give a report at school, go to work with my mom, visit my sister at work, have a girls night with mom, Alyssa, Stacye, and Esther, take my niece to a lesson, sit and do nothing, visit with friends. It was quite special this year! I will admit that I am looking forward to Christmas. I hope it will be just as memorable.

As I traveled back from Indiana, I felt the loneliness settle in. I miss my family. I miss their company and constant love. I even miss their bad moods and quirks. I miss Andrew's big boy hugs, and Esther's attitudes, and Avery's energy. I miss their storytelling around the table. I miss morning coffee and movie nights. I even miss the moments that we sit in silence---not having to say anything yet not feeling uncomfortable about it.

I had a hard time getting back into the groove of things here. But all will be ok. I enjoy my life here as well.....but always with a wisp of wishing to be there with my people.