A Night Well Remembered

So how did this one end up?

You know, I don't know how many times in my life---specifically the last year---that I have looked back over a performance (any performance) and experienced those sagging shoulders as I thought about what I had just done. The disappointment that I felt over what I considered to have been failures all the way around when it came to my singing. The questionings that I had offered up to God of why I could not enjoy my music, why I felt such fear, why such lack of confidence.

Tonight as I ponder the Giver and the gift, I can say that I am amazed that He sees fit to give such a precious gift to mankind. I think of the power of the voice---the emotions it gives out, the comfort it offers, the joy it brings to those who come under its spell! Yes, the gift of music---the love and beauty of singing---was meant to be shared. It is not something that we can keep to ourselves. It is something we offer up---a giving of our entire heart, soul, and spirit as we communicate to an audience. If anything is left out, our gift is hindered.

And yet to do that, one must have a point of confidence---on object! How many times I have read the Opera News articles, coming across the statement from various artists, "My faith means sustained me." Some truly mean it. Some have no clue. My question to each one is, "What is the object of your faith? Better yet, WHO is the object of your faith." This object is what sustains you. For some, it is faith in the technique. For others, it is a teacher or coach.

Both failed for me.

However, there is one that has remained true. One object! And it was that One that I had the joy of singing about last night at our Fall Concert.

Long have I dreamed of singing the Exsultate Jubilate. It has come to mean much to me. All movements (Exalt, Joy, Give Comfort)---all texts----point to the final piece: Alleluia. "IA!" Literally a transliteration of "Yahweh"--that personal name of God that even the Jews---His very own people---would not utter. Meaning Jehovah! God! My God! And I have the privilege of singing to Him.

What Grace He gave last night. What joy I experienced in singing praises to Him! What fun and lightheartedness He gave during my opera solo.

For a brief moment, I felt nerves tightening the muscles of my breathing mechanism. But as I took slow breaths and begged the Lord for His calmness and sustaining power, my mind, heart, and body began to slow down and relax.

So I had trouble getting into the first piece. So I had a few flat notes. Who cares! I had fun! I had confidence. But not just any confidence. A Confidence that comes only from above---that is based in full dependency upon an Object. Jehovah! God! My God. I found myself at His mercy seat---and I found Him to be there---and I found Him to be gracious. I found Him to be full of strength and energy---and I felt it flow through me!

What joy I experienced proclaiming the Giver of the gift!