What is this Journey?

As I sit here waiting for my last student of the day to arrive, I cannot help but think of singing.

I got in some practice today. Went well. I am learning to pace myself. If it just isn't working at the moment, come back to it later! So I do. Sometimes I get so excited and full of hope. Other times I find myself asking, "what is the point?"

What is this journey they call a career path? I have asked that many times in the last few weeks. Even corresponded heavily with those in the professional field that I have the privilege of personally knowing. What kindness I have been shown! And guidance. Yet Truth. Those two in this career path are hard to bring together. I have asked some pretty pointed questions of my teachers and coaches this last month. And received answers. It should bring me home, yet I often feel stuck! Will this feeling go away.

They say that there is no one set path for a music career. It is personal. One must make it their own. So what is mine? I will admit that I have yet to find out what it is. But I am trying to find out.

Some things I have started coming to terms with----change, instability, moving, loneliness, perseverence, self-motivation. But where does one find the moment by moment hope in it. I had it once. That fervent excitement and love of just singing. What happened to it? Right now I am experiencing the pain and hurt of the journey. And yet they say that it is necessary! That it helps you feel your characters pain and hurt as you sing. That it develops the inner emotion of singing. I miss the joy! Yet, am learning through the pain.

What is my journey? I do not yet know, but I sense it is full of adventure---with light at the end. Perhaps that is what keeps me going. That light! That ray of joy and returned love and passion!