A Breath of Fresh Air

The long months of winter can eventually take a toll on the human mind and emotions. It's almost as though the very coldness and dreariness begin to settle into your inner core. I found this to be true here recently in my own life. Don't get me wrong! Chicago is beautiful during the winter. But after a while, the mundane and the being cooped up inside starts to get old. I have enjoyed the warmth of my home, a cup of coffee and tea, and a book. As a matter of fact, just the other day, I took Jane Eyre and went over to Caribou. I sat in front of the fire with a cup of coffee and thoroughly enjoyed the warmth and the reading.

But there is nothing like fresh air. Last week, we got a short reprieve from the cold and depressing sanctions of winter. The sun was out, the sky was blue, and the air was brisk. So I went for a walk-----OUTSIDE. I was amazed at how invigorating it was. I felt my mind clear and my spirits lift as I looked around me at the beauty that was out there. My mind went so many different directions. I thought of my friends, my family, my very life as it was up to that point, and my singing. Both happy and sad thoughts.

In some ways, it is a harsh reality to think through the various areas of your life. When I thought of my friends, it was with sadness that very slowly I feel the ties breaking with those I once knew. Not all of them. But many of them. It is part of life to move on, but it is also a painful process. Some memories are too sweet to let go of. But yet, one cannot continue to live in the past. You take the memories with you as sweet thoughts, but you let the actual moments go, for they cannot be relived. Some people continue to grow and change with you, forever staying a part of your life in some way. Some, through the process of life and its ever changing scenes, grow apart from you. And this is ok! This is life. Change is hard to accept, but change is good!
Happily I thought of those few faithful friends who have stuck with me day in day out! I miss seeing their faces, but continue to make memories over the phone and through email!

As I thought of my family, it was with a sweet smile. Ever true, ever faithful, ever blunt! :) Loyal and supportive to the end. I love them dearly. Always my friends. This, life can never change. We are bound by a sweet relationship in Christ to love, support, and lift each other up. To cry with, laugh with, give a kick in the pants when necessary, or offer a kind word when all seems bleak! I wouldn't trade them for the world!

My life! Well, continues to be ever interesting and uncertain. The loneliness has not gone away. Just the other day I found myself quite discouraged. There was no one there to offer an encouraging word, no one to give a hug, no one's shoulder to cry on. But there was a sovereign, loving God. Strangely I found Him to be enough. Ever loving, ever convicting, and ever guiding. This is the God I am coming to know more and more each day. Life continues to be life, dealing to each person what it will each and every day. But there is comfort in knowing that my God controls it all. Even when my eyes are holden, I know that He is near! What a glorious thought to know that because of Christ, I have peace with God!

My music continues to fascinate me. What a privilege it is to use this tool for the Lord. Not to mention that I love being a musician! I am learning to let go, to dare, and to have fun all at the same time. One cannot sing with a set of hard fast rules that will work everything out, just as one cannot always live life in the same way. Each song is different and uses different techniques, just as each situation in life is different and requires different perspectives and responses. At this stage of the game I am nearing the point of interpretation. I have to really delve into each character and find a person--Rosina, Sophie, Gilda, Norina, Linda, etc. I will admit that right now Rosina and Norina are my favorites. Such personalities. Regular Spitfires! The sad thing is, I can relate. One would think it would be easy to be yourself on stage, but it isn't. I have gotten too use to hiding my emotions and my flamboyant personality. (Some people can't take all of me at once). But that is what will be so great about singing. I can be me---all of me---the whole person that God created me to be. I relish the thought of reaching the day when I let go and dare to have fun!