Can't Help But Miss It

Last night I went to a Viola Recital of a girl in my church. She was incredible! It was an hour and a half undergrad performance major recital. I heard music from every era---Baroque, Classical, Romantic, twentieth century. Fabulous! It definitely inspired and encouraged me!When she started playing----a Paganinni----I almost started crying. It brought back so many memories----hours of practicing, performances during my six years of schooling, lessons, fun with friends. I couldn't help but be a little selfish---wishing that I were on stage performing at that very moment. I miss it so much. I miss being around artsy people and talking about artsy things........and I just plain miss being artsy 24-7! And I miss Handel, and Beethoven, and Mozart, and Copland! Someday! :)

I watched her perform and place herself in that artistic, emotional sphere. I miss that too----being able to be in your own little world for just a moment of time, where everything feels perfect (even if the outcome isn't so perfect.........does that make since).

At the same time I couldn't help but learn from the evening. The idea of performing seemed so familiar, yet so new. I kept thinking to myself, "That is what I need. Why can't I just do that?" It is hard to allow others to see the inner you. And in performing, that inner you is fully exposed. So many questions go through your mind: Am I doing enough? Do I look stupid? What if everyone knew this is how I truly feel? What if everyone can see that I truly have no clue how this feels? And yet, if you don't try, sure you don't lose anything...........but neither do you gain anything.