Thoughts Galore......for another time

Wow! It has been so long.....but then it always is between blogs. I just haven't had the time since I left for Boston this summer and returned for the semester! But today, as I sat home sick, I thought I would pen a few words.

Sick, you say. Yes! I should have seen it coming. I go, go, go, and boom the minute I stop going---like Thanksgiving Break!---I get sick. This one started with headaches and such a week ago! By Wednesday before Break, it was a little bigger than I anticipated. But despite the achiness, I still accomplished much over the 4 day weekend. Perhaps someday, I will really slow down! :)

As I sit home today, doing some work on my next Methods Lecture, so many thoughts hit me. About the time I think the tears are over, they start all over again. I was never an emotional person (in this way, anyway! Those who know me best, know that sparks often are flying under the surface. Walls between you and the world can be both a bad thing and a good thing). But as I thought of this thing called investing in people, I realized once again how hard it is to take that risk. This semester brought so much change within me---letting down my guard, being more vulnerable than I ever had been. So many of my kids have commented on it this semester. "Miss Beeman you are different this year." They always ended that by saying, "In a good way. You are more real." I hope that is a good thing. Transparency can be taken too far. But in the end, I will leave this semester knowing that I love my students and the friends I have made here. This is when I feel most like Job. God did not return his children to him, nor did he replace them. But He did give him more. I do not believe Job ever forgot his first children, but I do believe he had room in his heart for his new children. I hope the same will be said of me.

Yes, these thoughts are heavy this round. I do not mean to be down. And at heart, I am not. I know God is good. He has brought some things about this year to show me that He intends to show me greater and mightier things than I can imagine. It is hard to wait with joy and patience. But nonetheless, here I sit, waiting---working on the joy and patience part. I often have to remind myself that God brings things in our lives that seem slightly "out of season" for a loving reminder to trust and depend on Him only. He does not accept the "I don't have time for this" or "I don't want this" or, well, you fill in the blank. He does accept the gratitude for each circumstance. I don't think I have gotten there---I know I have not gotten there. But I am learning that God takes even my mistakes, and makes them perfect within His will, for His glory, and my good.

I wish I could share everything going on inside my brain.....but for now, this will do! :)