Encouraging Thoughts from the Eyes of a Musician!
Setting out on your own, growing up, supporting yourself, and starting a career all in one blow is not the easiest thing in the world! Yet that is exactly what I have been attempting to do over the last year and a half. I will not lie to you that it has been an easy, enjoyable ride! No, rather the contrary. It has been very hard. There is a reason we have the term growing pains! But here are the harsh realities:
Setting out on my own: Has been lonely! If I were not so sure that this is a calling that will be used by God in His perfect timing, I would go home to my family. I miss them dearly! So what am I going to do about it? I am thinking about getting a dog! :) A Papillon. Look it up! They are adorable. French for butterfly. So you can see why the artsy in me was drawn by it, as I once sang a piece about a butterfly!
Growing up: Well, a harsh reality that life isn't a bed of roses that little fairies play in from sun up to sun down. Learning that daddy and mommy can't fix it all anymore brings a lot of hurt to a young life. Oh they can give advice and encouragement, but they cannot make the decisions for you. So what am I going to do? I am learning to take life one day at a time, using each moment to grow in the Lord. How special my relationship with Him has become! I am truly learning to take things to Him in prayer!
Supporting myself: Well, I live in Chicago! That should say it all! I work a full time job and run a part time voice studio on the side after my full time job hours. I have learned the importance of reading all the paperwork of my insurance, faced the crisis of paying large doctor bills, now fill my own gas tank, and have learned (kinda) how to make a grocery list and shop for weekly meals! I am big on coupons and clearance racks, and am learning to live within a budget! In recent days I have been forced to learn how to pace myself and conserve energy! So how do I like this? Does it matter?! It is necessary!
Starting a Career: Well, definitely wasn't what I thought it was going to be! But yet I wouldn't change it for the world. After work and teaching, I practice---faithfully every night! I do language study, song study, and research on composer intent! Coupled with my lessons, I am basically doing the equivalent of going to school! What a breath of fresh air and wealth of learning I find in each lesson! I have to be extremely disciplined with my eating, sleeping, exercise, and daily regimen of life, as my body is my instrument. It requires the utmost care. In recent days I have, once again, been forced to realize the importance of taking care of the entire body. I will admit that I haven't done a very good job and have seen the consequences. But I truly believe it is all part of the process of becoming a full time musician. There are so many elements physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually that we have to work through!
So is it worth it? Has it been worth it?
Well...........let me put it this way. I asked myself this very question earlier this week! I got slammed with several disappointments all within a few moments (no need to go into them). I literally considered at one moment calling my parents and asking them if I could come home. What a price I have paid and only to get to this point, I thought! Physically deteriorated, mistrusting of people, always tired, always running from one thing to the next, feeling as though I am stuck on a shelf (and mind you, the very back, dark corner of the shelf).
And then I stepped out to a quiet place! I cried, and I prayed. I gave it to the Lord, commiting, once more, to trust and wait.
Later that day I also came across the website of Hilary Hahn, violinist. To read the honest thoughts of a full time musician was so inspiring. The connection you feel with other musicians is unexplainable! I completely understood what she meant when she said that she loved her practicing. They were times of utmost energy when she could lock herself away from everything else and focus on her passion!
As the week went on, yes, I still fought battles in my mind! But life didn't seem so bad! Last night as I walked home from teaching (my student had a fabulous lesson, by the way), I couldn't help but think of how much joy and energy teaching my students--passing along this wonderful art--and being involved in their lives gave me.
And I answered my own question! Is it worth it?
YES! To think that after all the hard work and pain of the daily grind, some day, I get to share my art and my God-given gift with others! I get to do something I love! And on top of all that, when that part of my life is over, I get to retire into something I love---I get to pass along my wonderful art to young lives and voices that will come after me through teaching. What hope!
It literally made me think of the spiritual walk! After the pain of growth and conviction. After the weeding out of sin and the refining of the Master's Hand, we get to experience a God of love and share Him with others around us. And when this life is over, we get to retire into something we love---God and Heaven! What hope!
Setting out on my own: Has been lonely! If I were not so sure that this is a calling that will be used by God in His perfect timing, I would go home to my family. I miss them dearly! So what am I going to do about it? I am thinking about getting a dog! :) A Papillon. Look it up! They are adorable. French for butterfly. So you can see why the artsy in me was drawn by it, as I once sang a piece about a butterfly!
Growing up: Well, a harsh reality that life isn't a bed of roses that little fairies play in from sun up to sun down. Learning that daddy and mommy can't fix it all anymore brings a lot of hurt to a young life. Oh they can give advice and encouragement, but they cannot make the decisions for you. So what am I going to do? I am learning to take life one day at a time, using each moment to grow in the Lord. How special my relationship with Him has become! I am truly learning to take things to Him in prayer!
Supporting myself: Well, I live in Chicago! That should say it all! I work a full time job and run a part time voice studio on the side after my full time job hours. I have learned the importance of reading all the paperwork of my insurance, faced the crisis of paying large doctor bills, now fill my own gas tank, and have learned (kinda) how to make a grocery list and shop for weekly meals! I am big on coupons and clearance racks, and am learning to live within a budget! In recent days I have been forced to learn how to pace myself and conserve energy! So how do I like this? Does it matter?! It is necessary!
Starting a Career: Well, definitely wasn't what I thought it was going to be! But yet I wouldn't change it for the world. After work and teaching, I practice---faithfully every night! I do language study, song study, and research on composer intent! Coupled with my lessons, I am basically doing the equivalent of going to school! What a breath of fresh air and wealth of learning I find in each lesson! I have to be extremely disciplined with my eating, sleeping, exercise, and daily regimen of life, as my body is my instrument. It requires the utmost care. In recent days I have, once again, been forced to realize the importance of taking care of the entire body. I will admit that I haven't done a very good job and have seen the consequences. But I truly believe it is all part of the process of becoming a full time musician. There are so many elements physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually that we have to work through!
So is it worth it? Has it been worth it?
Well...........let me put it this way. I asked myself this very question earlier this week! I got slammed with several disappointments all within a few moments (no need to go into them). I literally considered at one moment calling my parents and asking them if I could come home. What a price I have paid and only to get to this point, I thought! Physically deteriorated, mistrusting of people, always tired, always running from one thing to the next, feeling as though I am stuck on a shelf (and mind you, the very back, dark corner of the shelf).
And then I stepped out to a quiet place! I cried, and I prayed. I gave it to the Lord, commiting, once more, to trust and wait.
Later that day I also came across the website of Hilary Hahn, violinist. To read the honest thoughts of a full time musician was so inspiring. The connection you feel with other musicians is unexplainable! I completely understood what she meant when she said that she loved her practicing. They were times of utmost energy when she could lock herself away from everything else and focus on her passion!
As the week went on, yes, I still fought battles in my mind! But life didn't seem so bad! Last night as I walked home from teaching (my student had a fabulous lesson, by the way), I couldn't help but think of how much joy and energy teaching my students--passing along this wonderful art--and being involved in their lives gave me.
And I answered my own question! Is it worth it?
YES! To think that after all the hard work and pain of the daily grind, some day, I get to share my art and my God-given gift with others! I get to do something I love! And on top of all that, when that part of my life is over, I get to retire into something I love---I get to pass along my wonderful art to young lives and voices that will come after me through teaching. What hope!
It literally made me think of the spiritual walk! After the pain of growth and conviction. After the weeding out of sin and the refining of the Master's Hand, we get to experience a God of love and share Him with others around us. And when this life is over, we get to retire into something we love---God and Heaven! What hope!
posted by Shellie @ 6:21 AM
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